Dear whoever’s awake (or anyone who would read this at a sane time),
It’s raining as I am typing this. It’s 1 am in Singapore and heavily raining. Currently, I am wondering how I can run Sunday morning when I have had a few drinks of whiskey and I am now finishing a glass of sake. Today I just bought a relatively expensive pair of sneakers for my niece, wondering if I am sending the proper message because just maybe, everyone at home would find out I play favorites. Also today I got some bank stuff that kind of cemented my whole it’s-no-longer-transient-you’re-staying-in-Singapore reality, and to be honest, I like that idea more than having to go back home again in 3 or so years.
This weekend has been a dilemma: Friday, I receive information that perhaps, I could be more than I am now if only I entertain a certain side of myself and just forget a bit more of my humanity. I remember the things I need to pay for by next year, and I think, yeah, why the fuck not. I still don’t know what I am considering, but to be honest, I really, really don’t give much thought about what I would leave behind. The past few months left me with no emotion anyway.
(if you’re lost and really not understanding what I’m talking about, rest assured I’m doing it on purpose)
Today, I find that I’m spending more time for other people than my own, so I have to compensate, hence I’m awake now. Housemates are asleep and I’m glad. I need more quiet.
Truth is, the idea of being scared to move to another decision has left me months ago. The only thing bothering me now is whether or not I can move on faster. Right now, I just want to be a bit more free to do what I want to do, which is never really something anyone gets to do in real life to be honest.
And also I want a fresh pair of Nikes.
I’m also climbing, nay, trekking next month, so that should liberate me from my city woes. I’ll tell you more about it in two weeks’ time.
For now, let’s drink to sake.